Do I believe in it? Do I believe that I am predetermined to live a certain way?
If I do, that would explain why I am so confused sometimes. I could blame my inconsistency on my inability to find my particular niche, the way I am supposed to be.
But I don't believe that, and therein lies my problem.
If you think about it. If you think that life is supposed to follow some type of certain path. Then if I were to stray from said path I should have terrible things befall me like stress, pain, and confusion. Whereas if I am following the correct path everything should go as planned... right?
But destiny I don't think is a rigid thing. If so would we not be much like the rat in the maze? That we get the cheese if we go the right way and zapped back to the right way if we fall off course...
I don't want to be a rat.
So why is it that I feel much like a square peg trying to pound myself into a round hole? I try to figure out what I'm supposed to do and do that... yet I never succeed to pound myself into that round hole. So, I wonder... did I fall off track? Did I do something wrong? Shouldn't I know what to do next?
But I don't. I don't know what to do.
So this time, my square peg self is walking away from the round hole, and searching for my square hole. But I don't think it's what I thought it might have been. And I don't think it is necessarily what I think I "should do" out of obligation or proper direction.
It's something different.
It's something that's my own.
And I still don't know what it is....
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